Here I Am

The stated goal of this prayer practice is to "be here now in prayer."

The steps are rather straightforward: Choose a specific time period; focus on relaxation and self-awareness; expand focus to include external surroundings; finally, focus on God’s presence.

I find this process to be useful in the context of other prayer practices, especially when one’s anxieties keep them from hearing that “still, small voice.” Such is the case with me.

I am the epitome of the efficiency-driven American with too much to do and not enough time with which to achieve my pressing goals. As a result, I am beginning to wonder if that has produced a stumbling block in my ability to hear God’s voice.

As I began this exercise, I found myself reticent both to God and myself. As I moved forward in relaxation and awareness, I noticed my heart rate steadily decreasing. Finally, as I invited the presence of God into my sphere, I was disheartened to find Him in a condition of peaceful uncommunicativeness.

I had hoped to receive a “burning bush” experience befitting my violent nature. Yet, what I found instead was a calming, no-intensity presence of nothingness.

Disheartening.

However, I wonder if that’s the point. Maybe God sees something I don’t see; maybe He’s trying to change my very nature into something more balanced and contemplative. Maybe His closeness is best experienced in a state of reverential self-emptying. Maybe God doesn’t care as much about my receptivity to His presence as He does my obedience to fulfill His commands and the penitent condition of my heart.

Or maybe I just did it wrong.

In any event, I feel that this exercise is best performed for medicinal purposes, in that it has wonderful calming effects. Perhaps when paired with other prayer practices I would find Here I Am more useful. As it stands, I believe that this prayer practice achieves its stated goal, to allow one to simply “be here now in prayer.”